by Brritski

> And what happened to bert? didn't he go off to fetch the car? How far
> away was
> it? Why wasn't he there to provide some rustic observances?
> 

I think he was in the cowshed perfecting this ode:

'Twas in the year of our Lord Two Thousand and One
That the latest Archer epic was most happily begun
When young Master David and Miss Ruth had it away
At the end of the harvest on a trailer of hay

Personally I'd have thought that all that dust
Would throw something of a damper on any form of lust
It turns off moi lovers when I cough and sneeze
But I reckons the hay would have been easy on the knees

When I heard the news I went down to the Bull and told moi Freda
Whose silent question was how would Miss Ruth feed a
Baby. But apparently she'll grow one enormous udder
And the bairn will grow as big as its sister and brudder

When the baby finally decided to come it came in a rush 
Ruth screamed and shouted, but she hardly needed to push
Master David's slip practice was then found to prove it's worth
As he took a left hand catch lowdown as Ruth gave birth

We soon heard the baby's first cry and other less pleasant sounds
And were told that the youngster weighed in at seven and a half pounds
Half this was hair, that's an awful lot the poor little thing
Did Ruth have an affair in America with ZZ Top and Don King ?

The Midwife arrived, took over and cleared up the mess
But what she did with it all she did not confess
I have my suspicions and I hope nobody is ill 
When they eat the celebration casserole prepared by Jill

Wor friend's from up t'North came down with some booze
To join the Barss and Mrs Archer and celebrate the happy news
Young Benjamin David's health was toasted in champers
Or Lemonade with Pips, but nothing for Grampers
Who was reading to Josh who didn't like the smell of BD's Pampers.

Bert McGonagall