By Mary Kemp -- SODAM

SODAM steps into a bright beam of sunlight, adopts declamatory position no.17,
unrolls parchment and declaims:

Official BBQ Ode 2001
(The audience may participate by pointing to or waving any part of the body that is mentioned)

Our brains ache, in the merciless east wind that comes
Chilled to the bone we attend umra BBQ together
Each low, drooping face in the unseasonable weather
Worried about violence from husting parliamentary bums.
             Keep your eyes peeled.


Sudden successive racks of ribs come flying
From the barbecue, snatched from the jaws of hell
Eaten with asparagus, coffee cake and ham as well
We smell all these and other goodies, frying.
            It's a good hair day.


Listening, we hear the mad guests tugging at our hearts,
Indigestion growing as our stomachs swell
With Gloucester Old Spot, faster than tongue can tell.
From rosy cheeks, there is the dull rumble of ......erm..... breaking wind .
             It's no skin off our nose.


The poignant misery of sole begins to grow...
We only know, rain soaks, more sun is less
No tongue can tell, no lips can well express
The way in which the line we umrats toe,
            But we're always humerus.


Ambridge is a fly on the wall documentary
Where ever sun smiles true on child (and foot and mouth)
Let's turn our eyes towards the sunnier south.
As we sit eating here, it's alimentary,
 That's just a gut feeling. 
         

To-night, this food will fasten on our innards blest,
Ankle the calf (geddit?) that lays the golden egg. (Some mistake here shurely? Ed)
The umra BBQ doesn't cost an arm and a leg,
Because every year we prepare most carefully lest-
 We go off at half-cock.

 SODAM
 

<smiles at the newly-enlightened umrats, rolls up parchment and bows, then gets
offstage as quickly as possible